AIM
by Purplewolfstar35
Summary: AKATSUKI I.M! Minor Shonenai...Rated for crude jokes and language.
1. Chapter 1

-1A.I.M

Akatsuki IM!

**Dark-Red-Eyes has signed on.**

**Dark-Red-Eyes:** Why the hell did Deidara give me a screen name…WE LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE!

**BigBoomCreator has signed on.**

**Dark-Red-Eyes:** …speak of the devil. Deidara, exactly why do I have this ridiculous chat thing?

**BigBoomCreator:** You need to be more social, un.

**Dark-Red-Eyes:** You even TYPE un. You have problems…

**BigBoomCreator:** Well how bad would I look if I just abandoned it, un?

**IAMNOTAFISH has signed on.**

**I'mSuchAGoodBoy has signed on.**

**I'mSuchAGoodBoy:** DEIDARA-SENPAI!!! I'm a good boy, so I made a screen name…

**BigBoomCreator:** Er…good job un.

**Dark-Red-Eyes:** Idiots surround me.

**IAMNOTAFISH:** Tell me about it…

**Dark-Red-Eyes:** Kisame…look at your screen name. Are you really SURROUNDED by idiots?

**Dark-Red-Eyes has signed off.**

**I'mSuchAGoodBoy:** Did Itachi-senpai get up on the wrong side of the bed?

**IAMNOTFISH:** If he does that every morning…

**BigBoomCreator:** Let's prank him later…I'm thinking…dying his favorite cloak SNOW WHITE, UN!

**IAMNOTAFISH: **Heh, nice…it has to be the nice new one…Leader just ordered it for him. What about replacing his nail polish with pink?

**BigBoomCreator:** YEAH, UN!

**I'mSuchAGoodBoy:** That isn't nice…why would you do that to Itachi-senpai??

**BigBoomCreator:** Many reasons…un.

**2SidedPlant has signed on.**

**2SidedPlant:** What the hell Deidara? 2SidedPlant?? I GET THIS CRAPPY NAME?! It's not terrible though…ACTUALLY NEVER MIND! I HATE IT!

**BigBoomCreator: **The only thing harder then understanding you in real time…is going to be on IM, un.

**I'mSuchAGoodBoy:** ZETSU-SENPAI SWORE!!

**2SidedPlant:** You're right…sorry Tobi. THE HELL I'M SORRY! LOOK I SWORE AGAIN!!

**I'mSuchAGoodBoy has signed off. **

**IAMNOTAFISH:** This organization scares me…a lot.

**IAMNOTAFISH has signed off.**

**TruePuppetMaster has signed on.**

**TruePuppetMaster:** Deidara? Why are we on this…THING?

**TruePuppetMaster:** Deidara ANSWER!

**TruePuppetMaster:** YOU KNOW I HATE WAITING!

**BigBoomCreator:** AT LEAST WAIT FOR MY MESSAGE TO LOAD, UN! GOD, UN!

**TruePuppetMaster:** I hate this.

**TruePuppetMaster has signed off.**

**2SidedPlant: **Agreed.

**2SidedPlant has signed off.**

**BigBoomCreator: **This sucks…un.

**BigBoomCreator has signed off. **

(A/N: Story behind this…is, Deidara made screen names for everyone in the Akatsuki except Tobi…cause Tobi bugs him. Someone let Tobi know, and he made his own.

Dark-Red-Eyes Itachi

BigBoomCreator Deidara

IAMNOTAFISH Kisame

I'mSuchAGoodBoy Tobi

TruePuppetMaster Sasori

2SidedPlant Zetsu


	2. Chapter 2

AIM 2: Konan's Crush

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover has signed on.

BigBoomCreator has signed on.

BigBoomCreator: Konan-chan! Guess what, un??

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: What Deidara?

BigBoomCreator: I have your diary, un. It's very interesting, un.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: I'm going to kill you.

BigBoomCreator: It's says here you walked in on Leader-sama yesterday…half naked, un. And you loved it, un? I wonder if Leader-sama has a diary…un.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: I'll spare you if you get that diary of his. And I'll…get you off dish duty for the next month!

BigBoomCreator: So he has one…un? Oh I'll get it, un. Be back soon, un.

BigBoomCreator has signed off.

IAmTheLeader has signed on.

IAmTheLeader: Hello Konan.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Wow…no one needs to guess who you are Pein. It's obvious.

IAmTheLeader: As is your screen-name.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: OK fair point.

IAmTheLeader: I hear from Deidara that your diary is an interesting read…he has it right here.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: I'LL KILL HIM!!!!

IAmTheLeader: So that was you who opened the door…?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Yes…

IAmTheLeader: You…love me?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Well…simply put? Yes. I'm sorry, please don't treat me any differently.

IAmTheLeader: But if I didn't treat you differently…I wouldn't be able to hold you or kiss you. And that would make me unhappy.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: What are you saying Pein?

IAmTheLeader: Simply put? I love you too. Come see me please.

IAmTheLeader has signed off.

BigBoomCreator has signed on.

BigBoomCreator: So how'd it go, un?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Well, I should kill you for lying. But considering you got us to confess…I thank you. Now I'm leaving.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover has signed off.

BigBoomCreator: Another match-making job well done, un.

BigBoomCreator has signed off.

(A/N: PEINXKONAN FOREVER!! Akatsuki romance…lol.)


	3. Chapter 3

AIM Chapter 3: Of Puppets and Spying

BigBoomCreator has signed on.

TruePuppetMaster has signed on.

BigBoomCreator: Hey Sasori-danna, un.

TruePuppetMaster: The puppet is placed…

BigBoomCreator: Good, un.

TruePuppetMaster: We have video feed, when will they be home?

BigBoomCreator: Anytime, un.

Masked$Money has signed on.

Masked$Money: I like this screen name Deidara, good choice.

BigBoomCreator: KAKUZU! Want to join us in spying, un?

Masked$Money: Depends…who are we spying on?

TruePuppetMaster: Leader-sama and Konan.

Masked$Money: Why are we spying on Pein…he'll kill us.

BigBoomCreator: Because I got him and Konan-chan together, un!

Masked$Money: About time.

TruePuppetMaster: THEY'RE BACK!

BigBoomCreator: Well this is boring…they're just talking, un.

Masked$Money: What…is he doing?

TruePuppetMaster: Um…stripping, I don't know!

BigBoomCreator: No he's just changing…un.

Masked$Money: In front of Konan? Weird.

TruePuppetMaster: She's creepy…who falls in love with a man with THAT many piercings??

Masked$Money: Who falls in love with a puppet, or a dude with four mouthes?

BigBoomCreator: MY MANY FANGIRLS, UN!

TruePuppetMaster: Well you look like a rag-doll, so shut up!

BigBoomCreator: YEAH, UN!

Masked$Money: OH MY GOD THEY'RE MAKING OUT!!!

TruePuppetMaster: MY EYES!! DAMN YOU AND YOUR STUPID IDEAS DEIDARA!

TruePuppetMaster has signed off.

BigBoomCreator: WELL WHAT ELSE DO COUPLES DO, UN?!

BigBoomCreator has signed off.

Masked$Money: I really don't want to be labeled a pervert and creepy by still watching this…so. I'm gone.

Masked$Money has signed off.


	4. Chapter 4

AIM Chapter 4 Proof and Evidence

IamTheLeader: I have proof Konan.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Do you really?

IamTheLeader: Of course…

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Wow…how did you find out?

IamTheLeader: I was going to tell them they had a mission…but when I walked in…

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Oh my god…no way!

IamTheLeader: Yep, they were making out.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW HIDAN AND KAKUZU WERE GAY!

IamTheLeader: So how did your search go?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: That's not important right now! Did you take a picture of Hidan and Kakuzu?

IamTheLeader: I'll send you the blackmail pictures.

IamTheLeader has sent you 3 pictures! View now?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Wow…that's hot.

IamTheLeader: Konan, that hurts me…

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Well go make out with Itachi or something! That'd be hot too!

IamTheLeader: I'm OK thanks. Besides…weren't you finding evidence on Itachi and Kisame anyway?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Ah yes, I saw them hugging, and Kisame helping Itachi wash his face for some reason. I'd say that's pretty good evidence. Other then the fact that Itachi started bleeding from Kisame's shark skin…it was sweet!

IamTheLeader: I am quite proud to say that we are better matchmakers then Deidara…next target?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Deidara himself.

IamTheLeader: With…Tobi?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: EW HELL NO! WITH SASORI OF COURSE!

IamTheLeader: OK sorry…and then…Zestu and Tobi? Won't Zetsu eat him?!

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: That's the test…if he doesn't eat him…he loves him!

IamTheLeader: And if he does?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Well, then we need a new member.


	5. Chapter 5

AIM Chapter 5: The Plan Goes Into Action/Of Photos and Ebay

A/N: WARNING THIS CHAPTER HAS LOTS OF PROFANITY! AKA HIDAN! Also, this is a really long chapter, so enjoy guys.

Masked$Money has signed on.

Kill.For.Religion has signed on.

Kill.For.Religion: I hate your guts bastard.

Masked$Money: That's not what you said last night.

Kill.For.Religion: FUCK YOU OK!? THEY FOUND US OUT AND TOOK PICTURES!

Masked$Money: We can use this to our advantage you know?

Kill.For.Religion: HOW IN JASHIN'S NAME CAN WE DO THAT DUMBASS?!

Masked$Money: You do know that they are thousands of yaoi starved fangirls that would pay thousands of dollars for those pictures?

Kill.For.Religion: So in other words, your making money off of me. FUCK THAT JACKASS! I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU, I'M NOT IN JUST FOR PLEASURE AND MONEY!

Masked$Money: Shockingly enough, I actually like you too. So shut the hell up, calm down and think about the idea.

Kill.For.Religion: I REFUSE TO HAVE PICTURES OF ME NAKED AND IN BED WITH YOU ON THE INTERNET KAKUZU!

Masked$Money: Too late.

Kill.For.Religion: WHAT?!?!? WHERE!??

Masked$Money: Ahh…top bid is $5000 dollars. I love Ebay.

Kill.For.Religion: I am going to rip your head off your shoulders and shove it down what's left of your throat you mothering Fing bastard!!!

Masked$Money: Mother what-ing Hidan?

Kill.For.Religion: Fing

Masked$Money: The IM service is editing you.

Kill.For.Religion: GOD DAMN THIS WORLD TO HELL!

Kill.For.Religion has signed off.

Masked$Money: $10,000… :D

And now we leave Kakuzu to his lovely Ebay, and head over to Pein and Konan's chat, in which they are plotting to get Sasori and Deidara together.

IAmTheLeader: Deidara is the easiest one to crack…

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: I know, but he's the one we're trying to get back at here…

IAmTheLeader: True. I'll tell Sasori to get online.

IAmTheLeader has set his status to: Ordering the minions around.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: What the hell is wrong with this man?

IAmTheLeader is back!

IAmTheLeader: What the hell is wrong with who?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: No one hun. Is Sasori coming online?

IAmTheLeader: Soon…very soon Konan.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: How much coffee have you had…?

IAmTheLeader: None. I swear.

TruePuppetMaster has signed on.

TruePuppetMaster: You said you had something to ask Leader-sama?

IAmTheLeader: Yes I do…um, well…KONAN YOU ASK!

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: WHAT? You know what…you suck, FINE! Sasori…I'm going to ask this very simply OK?

TruePuppetMaster: OK…

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Are you gay and in love with your blond partner Deidara?

TruePuppetMaster: O///O

TruePuppetMaster has signed off.

IAmTheLeader: Well, after that we still don't know.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Leader: Are you blind Pein? You fool he typed the shocked blushing smiley. That smiley tells ALL.

IAmTheLeader: Does it really?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Yes it does.

BigBoomCreator has signed on.

BigBoomCreator: Ah, my favorite couple is online. Talking about naughty things?

IAmTheLeader: NO! Perverted artists…

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Ah Deidara, just the person I wanted to see.

BigBoomCreator: That doesn't sound good…why?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Hypothetically speaking…if let's say…Sasori, were gay and in love with you what would you do?

BigBoomCreator: Faint.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Lovely? Are you gay Deidara?

BigBoomCreator: OK, what the hell?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Answer the question, or I will give you hundreds of paper cuts on your tongues. GOT IT?

BigBoomCreator: AHHH! NOT THE PAPER CUTS AGAIN! Do you know how long it took before I could mold clay again? TWO WEEKS! Two long cruel weeks of no art.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Boo hoo…answer.

BigBoomCreator: Well…this is hypothetical right? If Sasori danna came up to me and said he loved me…well… O///O get it?

IAmTheLeader: Not at all.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Shut up Pein. So Deidara, basically…your gay.

BigBoomCreator: Well so what if I am? Got a problem?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Not at all. I just want you all to be happy.

IAmTheLeader: I have a problem if you ever make out with any boy in this organization in front of Konan.

BigBoomCreator: Why?

IAmTheLeader: Because your looking at the world's biggest Akatsuki shonen-ai fan.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Kakuzu and Hidan is hot…sue me! But you know what would be even hotter?

IAmTheLeader: No, but I'm sure you'll make me feel worse and tell me.

BigBoomCreator: …

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: YOU AND SASORI!

BigBoomCreator: FINE I ADMIT STOP ASKING OK!?!?! I LIKE SASORI!

IAmTheLeader: Conversation saved…emailing to Sasori now.

BigBoomCreator: YOU ASSHOLE! He'll never speak to me again, why did you do that?!?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: On the contrary I think you'll find him having much more contact with you.

BigBoomCreator has signed out.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Mission accomplished. Pein, go take pictures.

IAmTheLeader: Whyyyy meee?

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: Because I'm plotting Zetsu and Tobi's get together and you are my bitch.

IAmTheLeader: I hate you sometimes.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover: I know you do…but I love you! So go take pictures for your sweeeeet little Konan.

IAmTheLeader: Sweet my ass.

IAmTheLeader has signed out.

Blue/Haired/Flower/Lover has changed her status to: I'm currently pairing my associates together, and simultaneously making my boyfriend look like an idiot. We all know who's REALLY in charge here.

A/N: Longest chapter EVER! I hope you all loved it, and I may not update for a while, because my Grandma is having a hard time and almost passed away. I hope you'll all forgive me, but I have to prioritize…so if I have time, I'll be online updating. Keep reading and reviewing guys, it'll make me feel better and less worried :D


	6. Chapter 6

AIM Chapter 6: Itachi…male or female?

Kill.For.Religion has signed on.

Masked$Money has signed on.

TruePuppetMaster has signed on.

BigBoomCreator has signed on.

Kill.For.Religion: Oh my fucking Jashin.

BigBoomCreator: What?? What?? Tell me! I GOTTA KNOW, un!

Kill.For.Religion: There's blood on Itachi's sheets.

TruePuppetMaster: Oh god.

Masked$Money: Hell no.

BigBoomCreator: Huh, un?

Kill.For.Religion: Blood…like girl's bleed…? You get it dumbass?

BigBoomCreator: HOLY SHIT ITACHI IS A WOMEN!?!

Kill.For.Religion: That was my reaction!

TruePuppetMaster: Let's just ask him…er…her…um…JUST ASK ITACHI!

Dark-Red-Eyes has signed on.

Dark-Red-Eyes: I can hear screaming…it sounds like Deidara.

BigBoomCreator: Oops.

TruePuppetMaster: Idiot.

Dark-Red-Eyes: So, what are you all talking about?

Kill.For.Religion: To be honest: you.

Dark-Red-Eyes: Me?

Masked$Money: Yeah.

Dark-Red-Eyes: Why…?

Kill.For.Religion: Well…I kinda found blood on your sheets and I think you're a girl.

Dark-Red-Eyes: WHAT THE HELL?!

TruePuppetMaster: Are you Itachi…or Itachirella?

Dark-Red-Eyes: Itachirella?? And of course I am a man you fools!

Masked$Money: Well then why is their blood on your sheets?

Dark-Red-Eyes: Well…because…Kisame is a shark…and he has shark skin.

Kill.For.Religion: And…?

TruePuppetMaster: Continue.

Dark-Red-Eyes: So…when um…anytime he touches me…in a, well you know…I bleed.

Kill.For.Religion: That's so fucking messed up and emo.

BigBoomCreator: Ew…gay shark rape.

Masked$Money: It's not rape if it's willing…eh Itachi?

Dark-Red-Eyes: Shut up.

TruePuppetMaster: You're screwing a shark? Oh god…think of what your kids would look like if you WERE a women.

Dark-Red-Eyes: I'll kill you all.

BigBoomCreator: PMS much Itachirella?

Dark-Red-Eyes has signed off.

Kill.For.Religion: That was fun!

Masked$Money: Very…I'm going to count money.

TruePuppetMaster: Freak.

TruePuppetMaster has signed off.

Kill.For.Religion: OK, I'll go WATCH you count money…if you know what I mean.

Masked$Money: I have no idea.

Masked$Money has signed off.

Kill.For.Religion: Asshole.

Kill.For.Religion has signed off.


	7. Chapter 7

AIM Chapter 7: Cameras?

TruePuppetMaster has signed on.

Masked$Money has signed on.

Kill.For.Religion has signed on.

2SidedPlant has signed on.

Dark-Red-Eyes has signed on.

TruePuppetMaster: LOOK! It's Itachirella!

Dark-Red-Eyes: Shut up or I'll kill you with the Sharingan.

2SidedPlant: I think we need to discuss something…WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE CAMERAS IN OUR ROOMS!?!?

Masked$Money: …

Kill.For.Religion: THERE'S CAMERAS?! Oh fuck no. FUCK NO!

TruePuppetMaster: That's ridiculous. Who would have installed them?!

Dark-Red-Eyes: Kakuzu did.

Masked$Money: WHAT?!?! WHY DO YOU SAY ME FOR GODS SAKE!

Kill.For.Religion: Jashin's Sake.

Dark-Red-Eyes: Because normally you would have been yelling and screaming about it. What are you doing with the tapes?

Masked$Money: Fangirls pay 1000s of dollars to see you sleep. I swear it's crazy, but we're getting a ton of cash for it!

TruePuppetMaster: Are those cameras…on 24/7?

Masked$Money: Yup.

TruePuppetMaster: SHIT! Gimme the tape from last night.

Masked$Money: NO! Why…?

Kill.For.Religion: A little ass action Sasori?

TruePuppetMaster: …shut the fuck up.

Kill.For.Religion: HAHAHAHAHAH!! Your gay for Deidara!

TruePuppetMaster: At least he looks like a woman. Itachi is in love with a shark, and you like that miser.

Dark-Red-Eyes: You have a point.

Masked$Money: Ha, stupid Hidan.

Kill.For.Religion: SHUT UP KAKUZU!

Masked$Money: No, you shut up…uke.

2SidedPlant: You're…UKE?!?! Oh my god, you pansy ass.

Kill.For.Religion has signed off.

TruePuppetMaster: Anyways, GIVE ME THE TAPE!

Masked$Money: NO! Do you know how much money a Saso/Dei yaoi vid make? Millions.

Dark-Red-Eyes: He's right.

2SidedPlant: You all are fucking twisted…sorry if that was mean!

TruePuppetMaster: Just log the hell off planty.

2SidedPlant: FINE! Fuck you.

2SidedPlant has signed off.

TruePuppetMaster: I hate you Kakuzu.

TruePuppetMaster has signed off.

Dark-Red-Eyes has signed off.

Masked$Money: Why am I always the last one to log off?!

Masked$Money has signed off.


	8. Chapter 8

AIM Chapter 8: Tobi is A Bad Boy.

I'mSuchAGoodBoy has signed on

IAMNOTAFISH has signed on.

2SidedPlant has signed in.

BigBoomCreator has signed on.

I'mSuchAGoodBoy: HELLO EVERYONE!

IAMNOTAFISH: Hello Tobi…

BigBoomCreator: OK I have a question. WHO THE HELL HAS BEEN DOWNLOADING PLANT PORN ON MY COMPUTER?? ZETSU?!

2SidedPlant: No…I did nothing of the sort.

IAMNOTAFISH: Who else would?

2SidedPlant: I don't know, **maybe your beloved Itachi.**

IAMNOTAFISH: HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME!

I'mSuchAGoodBoy: …it was me Deidara-senpai. I looked at the pretty pictures. BUT PLANTS NEED LOVE TOO!

BigBoomCreator: O.o , un?!

I'mSuchAGoodBoy: I'm SORRY!!!!!!!! AM I STILL A GOOD BOY?!

2SidedPlant: Yes of cour- **NO! HELL NO YOU ARE NOT!**

IAMNOTAFISH: This is WEIRD.

BigBoomCreator: That's what comes in this organization…un.

TruePuppetMaster has signed on.

BigBoomCreator: DANNA, UN!

TruePuppetMaster: Hey Dei. NOW, WHO WAS DOWNLOADING SHARK PORN ON MY COMPUTER?!

IAMNOTAFISH: I SWEAR TO GOD, ITACHI WAS!!

KillForReligion has signed on.

KillForReligion: YOU MEAN JASHIN, KISAME YOU FUCKING MORON!

KillForReligion has signed off.

BigBoomCreator: How does he do that…un?

TruePuppetMaster: The world may never know.

I'mSuchAGoodBoy: JUST LIKE HOW MANY LICKS IT TAKES TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP! OMG!!!

2SidedPlant: Tobi it's your bedtime…**so get to sleep brat.**

I'mSuchAGoodBoy: OK Zetsu-san. Good night everyone!

I'mSuchAGoodBoy has signed off.

BigBoomCreator: Hey, I found an application for IM services that let's you do actions, un! .

IAMNOTAFISH: What kind of actions?

BigBoomCreator: "Anything ranging from, buy a drink, to cuddle, to impale with a stick!" Sounds fun, un!

TruePuppetMaster: Yes…very fun.

NEXT TIME! THE AKATSUKI GOES NUTS WITH THOSE CRAZY ACTIONS!

A war of epic proportions begins, and will there be some romance??

XD the next chapter will be LONG and hopefully very amusing!


End file.
